when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
