Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
