i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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