I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
