Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
