i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
