i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think my moral compass just broke
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
