Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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