is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
