I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
