and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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