After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm always down for nudity.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
