good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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