North Korea, Best Korea!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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