Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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