Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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