Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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