Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
