So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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