New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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