I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
