i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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