He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh god it's open bar.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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