the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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