I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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