omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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