he thought i was a dude.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
