I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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