I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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