she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
