Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize