I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
