Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
