If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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