I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
