May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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