I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
