I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
