he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
