So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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