Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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