So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
