I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize