I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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