Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
