So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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