Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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