watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
