Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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