peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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