Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
