She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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