i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
